Responding to Children's Concerns About Actual and Threatened School Violence: Suggestins for Parents

INTRODUCTION

When a crisis occurs in a school setting, children may fear for their safety, the safety of their school, and the well being of their friends, classmates and teachers. Parents of young children may have questions: What do I say to my child? How do I respond to his/her fears? What is appropriate, and what might frighten her/him further?

This paper will focus on two areas: common reactions children may have to disasters, and suggestions for parents on how to talk about these types of situations with their children.

COMMON REACTIONS TO DISASTERS

Children react very differently to stressful situations. For some children, there may be little or no reaction if the location of the disaster is far away. Other children may be very troubled by the events. The following are some examples of common reactions:

• Loss of control. Children may question why the adults in charge didn’t stop this situation from happening. The feeling of loss of control is common.
• Increase in self-centered behavior. Young children may become very worried about what will happen to them. Young children in general have a hard time putting the needs of others before their own. They need to be told again and again that they are safe.
• Increase in school absence. Children may say they don’t want to attend school, or they may have physical complaints such as a stomachache or headache and say they can’t go to school because of being sick. Also, as parents you may be fearful of sending your child to school.
• Reactions to stress: These vary based upon the age of the child. Common ones are the following:

1. Preschoolers: thumbsucking, clinging to parents or caregivers, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, fear of the dark, regression in toileting habits.
2. Elementary school children: irritability, aggressiveness, clinging, nightmares, school avoidance, poor concentration, withdrawal from activities and friends, increased conflict with siblings.

Regardless of any symptoms children may or may not exhibit, parents should be prepared to provide support for their children following a crisis.

SUPPORTING CHILDREN DURING OR AFTER A DISASTER

• Try to recognize the feeling underneath your child’s behavior and put it into words. Saying something like "I’m sure this is very scary for you," or "I know you’re sad about this," can be helpful.
• Be honest with your child about what has happened, but don’t give them more information than they can handle. Don’t, for example, deny the basic facts of the incident, including death and/or injuries, but avoid news reports with very detailed accounts of the injuries and methods used on the victims.
• Don’t deny the seriousness of the situation. Saying "Don’t cry; everything will be okay," doesn’t reflect your child’s true feelings about the event.
• Plan activities to help children deal with feelings. Drawing or reading stories about children overcoming their fears are two examples.
• Ask your child how he/she is feeling at his/her school. Share any concerns with your child’s teacher. Ask questions about how the classroom and school are dealing with the disaster.
• Allow for the fatigue which children may experience due to stress and changed sleep patterns.
• Don’t force your child to talk. If your child shows that he/she doesn’t want to discuss the situation, say "I understand you don’t want to talk right now, but I want you to know that we can talk about this or anything else anytime you change your mind." It can also be helpful to have your child name other adults she/he could talk with, such as a grandparent or teacher.
• Assure your child that the people at her/his school are doing many things every day to keep her/him safe. Repeat these assurances as often as necessary.
• Assure your child that you are doing many things at home to keep him/her safe. Repeat these assurances for other places where your child spends a lot of time, such as child care settings, if needed.

CONCLUSION

As a parent you will see a wide variety of responses in your child during and following a crisis. Your child may want to discuss the situation a lot or may not want to talk about it at all. You may see many stress symptoms or none. What is most important is to be there for your child and offer support. Returning to your typical family routine as soon as possible will do much to help your child cope. If you have questions or concerns about how your child is coping with the disaster, please contact your child’s teacher or a pupil services professional (school psychologist, school social worker, school counselor, or school nurse) for more individualized assistance. Your child’s doctor or clergy in your faith community may also be helpful.

Karen Wydeven, a former Consultant for School Psychology Services at the Department of Public Instruction, adapted this paper from "Disaster: Helping Children Cope: A Handout for Parents, a chapter in Helping Children at Home and School: Handouts from your School Psychologist." 1998, National Association of School Psychologists.

For questions about this information, contact John P. Humphries (608) 266-7189

Last updated on 2/22/2008 8:00:39 AM